Sunday, December 28, 2014

Misc. Film Fun: Jack Lukeman — Boys And Girls (Ode To Ed Wood) (2000)

Here's an early song from Jack Lukeman (born Seán Loughman 11 February 1973) which, like the artist himself, has remained relatively and unjustly under-appreciated. Shot is an old cinema, dedicated to the great Ed Wood, and danceable — good enough reasons for us to present it here. Enjoy.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

R.I.P.: Harry H. Novak, Part XI: 1974–1975


12 January  1928 — 26 March 2014

"When I was a kid, my Daddy told me, 'There's a buyer for everything.' And I lived to find out that he was right."
Harry H. Novak


Harry H. Novak, alongside David F Friedman (24 Dec 1923 — 14 Feb 2011) one of the great (s)exploitation kings of the last half of the 20th century, died 26 March 2014 at the age of 86. 
A detailed career review of all the projects that Harry H. Novak, "The Sultan of Sexploitation", foisted upon the American public would be Sisyphean task at best and hardly possible, as no full and unequivocal list exists. What follows is a review of the films that we found that, for the most part, probably had Novak's involved somewhere along the way — and some that may not have. It is definitely not a complete list, and definitely not infallible, it is merely culled from sources reliable and unreliable that we found online. We also in no way suggest that the given release dates are the correct ones, they are merely the first ones we found. 
If you know any we missed, feel free to send the title... 


Go here for Part I
Go here for Part II: 1956-64
Go here for Part III: 1965-66
Go here for Part IV: 1967
Go here for Part V: 1968
Go here for Part VI: 1969
Go here for Part VII: 1970
Go here for Part VIII: 1971
Go here for Part IX: 1972
Go here for Part X: 1973



 Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks
(1974, Dick Randall [as Robert H. Oliver]) 

Aka Frankenstein's Castle, Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks, Monsters of Frankenstein, Terror, Terror Castle, The House of Freaks and The Monsters of Dr. Frankenstein. As we all know, Novak also occasionally bought the domestic rights to some foreign flicks of varying quality — quality was probably not an issue when purchasing them — for US release. The film here, originally entitled Terror! Il castello delle donne maledette, is one such flick. It is a movie that separates the boys from the men, the LeRoy Neimans from the Michelangelos, the micropenii from the macropenii: "This movie is a steaming pile of CRAP. Frankenstein's castle is full of feces, not freaks" (Eccentric Cinema) vs. "Needless to say, [...] this is a true B-movie lover's dream and you'll be damn glad you saw it" (Trash Film Guru).
It was directed by the sadly forgotten Dick Randall, the original producer of the Novak-distributed The Mad Butcher (1971), which we looked at in Part IX. According to the current Wikipedia entry (23 Dec 2014), it is "considered by most to be one of the worst Frankenstein films ever made." Among its four credited authors is William Rose, the director of such memorable titles like 50,000 B.C. (Before Clothing) (1963 / trailer), Rent-a-Girl (1965 / 3 scenes), The Smut Peddler (1965 / see below), Professor Lust (1967) and — perhaps his most popular film — The Girl in Room 2A (1974 / trailer).
From William Rose —
Trailer to The Smut Peddler (1965):
Over at imdb, Arthur Workman (arthur49@user1.channel1.com) offers this succinct plot description: "[Rosanno] Brazzi (of Barbara's Baby — Omen III [1983 / trailer]) plays mad Dr. Frankenstein, [Michael] Dunn (of The Freakmaker [1974] and The Werewolf of Washington [1973 / trailer / full movie]) is an evil dwarf and Lugosi (no relation to Bela [real name: Salvatore Baccaro, of SS Hell Camp (1977 / trailer)]) is a Neanderthal man. Add a monster named Hulk, and some nude women for sexploitation value."
2,500 Movies Challenge says: "Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks begins as any good monster movie, or indeed any movie period, should: with a group of villagers battling it out with a caveman! This is the first, but far from the last scene in Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks that will have you scratching your head and wondering 'What the hell am I watching here?' [...] Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks is certainly not the best monster movie ever made, but the sheer lunacy that takes place within its 90 minutes at least ensures it's never a boring one."
Full Public Domain Movie:



Country Hooker
(1974, dir. Lew Guinn)
 

We couldn't find out who wrote this slice of semi-hixploitation (produced and distributed by you know who), and indeed the film credits offers no name for the scriptwriter, but Country Hooker seems to be the only currently known directorial effort of the hobby cinematographer Lew Guinn, who held the camera for the Arch Hall vehicle Deadwood '76 (1965 / trailer) & John 'Bud' Cardos' blaxploitation western The Red, White, and Black (1970) and, long before that, was the editor of The Slime People (1963 / trailer) & Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962 / trailer).
Trailer to Country Hooker
Censored for YouTube:
Digital Obsessed says "There are a lot of oily, generally unlikable characters in Country Hooker, but that's a requirement for one of these titles, and even when a woman gets strangled to death, it seems that a dose of some bad country music will make everything all right again. As in Sweet Georgia (1972 [dir. "Edward Boles"]), Novak has Guinn load this film with barest minimum of plot and goes well beyond the recommended daily requirements for bare breasts and well-lit sex. While it's true that a Novak film might not be high art, as pure, unadulterated genre trash it has all the right stuff."
Terrible County Music:
All Movie has the plot: "Dave (Ric Lutze) and Billy B (John Paul Jones) are a pair of country musicians who have just lost most of their band and are in dire need of a gig. When they come to the aid of a pair of sexy women whose car has died in the desert, Sue (Rene Bond) and Jen (Sandy Dempsey), they not only find unexpected romance, but get a line on a gig playing at a roadhouse where the gals are working. Mike (Louis Ojena, also found in The Love Butcher [1975 / trailer] and the early Charles Napier feature-length film The Hanging of Jake Ellis [1969]), who runs the bar and leads the band at the club, gives Dave and Billy B a break, but there are a few things the boys don't know about their new boss — when he isn't singing, Mike is a pimp whose stable of women includes Sue and Jen, he deals drugs on the side, and he doesn't take kindly to anyone who gets in the way of him making a dishonest dollar. Country Hooker was one of many screen pairings for Rene Bond and Ric Lutze, who were married in real life."
NSFW Scene —
Jen (Sandy Dempsey) Raped and Murdered:
DVD Drive-In calls the movie "an enjoyable star vehicle for Rene and Sandy doing what they do best, but their best work was ahead of them and this isn't the best introduction to their worldly charms." They also point out that Candy Samples' claim that Sandy Dempsey, with whom Samples' did the lesbo tango in Candy's Cat House (1972 / NSFW fuck film), died in a boating accident in 1975, which is now commonly accepted as a true fact, doesn't really hold water as several of Dempsey's films — Panama Red (1976 / opening credits) for example — were shot after she was supposedly dead.
"Worst Movie Scenes of All Time (Episode 42)":
As Video Drone sees it: "The rape and murder scene is a bit shocking for the times [and] there's some really bad country music sequences, which are lip-synced by the guys, and some unintentionally humorous dialogue from the campy writing that will bring out more than a chuckle or two, but overall, the script and acting in this one just doesn't quite get over the well-endowed hump(s), as the film's ending, unlike the girls in the film, is totally flat as a board. Basically, it's main worth is to see the sensual Rene Bond in one of her early roles."
Currently (23 Dez 2014), the full movie can be watched here at YouTube.



The Black Connection
(1974, dir. Michael Finn) 

How many newspapers would run the above advert nowadays, d'ya think? Valiant International Pictures distributed this blaxploitation pic. Contrary to popular opinion, Run, Nigger, Run is not an alternative title to the flick, but part of the original title. The film was later brought out on VHS without the N-words.
Trailer to
The Black Connection:
Grindhouse Classics says that "There's nothing flashy or stylish about The Black Connection, [...] it was shot on the ultra-cheap and looks it. What's even more important, though, is that it feels as cheap as it looks." They give the plot as follows: "Las Vegas hood Miles Carter (the wooden and uncharismatic Bobby Stevens — but we won't hold that against him, all the acting in this flick is atrocious) is in it deep with the Italian mob over a hefty amount of missing cocaine. He's tried every legit angle to get the money they want before they whack him, but when even his bank manager turns him down for an extension on the loan he owes them, he knows he's going to have to resort to — ummm — less conventional methods of settling his scores with both the mob and the bank. Carter's girlfriend, Magda (Martha Washington) isn't too keen on whatever course of action her man is taking, the white junkie chick he keeps on the side is jonesing for a fix, and his aforementioned bank manager has hired a notorious hitman named 'Fats' Miller to take Carter out over the not-so-small-matter of his debt. All in all, our guy Carter looks like he's fucked, and Vegas is getting to be a pretty hot place for him. Then a chance encounter with Juanita, the widow of a former rival known only as 'The Cuban', offers a timely possibility — she can help him get his hands on a large quantity of premium-grade heroin, all they need to do is get down to Albuquerque to secure the smack. Carter has bigger plans, though — plans that involve setting up one last big deal to unload the heroin and then get the hell down to Mexico with Magda, leaving both his bank and the Mafia holding the bag. All is he has to do is stay alive long enough to get the smack, get it sold, and get across the border. With 'Fats' hot on his trail, though, that easier said than done..." 
But while Grindhouse Classics claims that "Once things do get going, however, the story is a rather involving little crime yarn," Bleeding Skull says "I have watched this movie so you don't have to."
Title Track to
Run, Nigger, Run:
"The wooden and uncharismatic Bobby Stevens", by the way, was a musician and not an actor by trade: he and two other men in this movie (Sonny Charles and Marvin "Sweet Louie" Smith) were actually the band known as The Checkmates LTD., who also supplied the soundtrack to this forgotten non-classic. (The songs also appeared on their 1974 LP Chessboard Corporation.) Their biggest hit The Checkmates LTD. ever had was the Phil Spector produced Black Pearl, which hit #13 on the US charts in 1969.
Black Pearl
by The Checkmates LTD.:




Fugitive Killer
(1974, dir. Emile A. Harvard)
 

Aka Fugitive Women. Not to be mistaken with the Ed Wood Jr. scripted Stephen C. Apostolof movie Fugitive Girls, aka Five Loose Women, also from 1974 (poster below).
Stephen C. Apostolof's
Fugitive Girls:
Another obscure, seldom-seen Harry Novak production, possibly a Florida-shot regional production, eventually re-released as Fugitive Women; neither director Emile A. Harvard nor scriptwriter Astrid Reiter seem to have ever made another movie, and if anyone has seen the movie, they haven't written about it on the web.
TCM offers the same plot description found everywhere: "A boy becomes friends with a man who he met while he was fishing, unaware that the man is an escaped murderer who is running from the police."
Among the never-knowns acting in this flick is George De Vries, also found somewhere in Clark & Ormsby's underappreciated Dead of Night aka Deathdream (1972 / trailer). The cinematographer and film editor was the unknown Ralph Remy Jr, who was also the cinematographer of Shanty Tramp (1967 / see below) and the laughable The Guy from Harlem (1977 / trailer / title track), but perhaps deserves particular recognition as the co-writer and producer and music composer of the memorable "what-the-fuck?" horror film, Joseph A. Mawra's Miss Leslie's Dolls (1973).
Opening Credits & Title Track to
Shanty Tramp (1967):
 

 
Charlys Nichten
(1974, dir. Walter Boos [22 Nov 1928 — 22 Nov 1996]) 

Aka Charley's Nieces. Though we find it hard to believe that Boxoffice International (Novak) had anything to do with this movie, more than one on-line source says that he distributed it in the US; assuming that the poster above was for the US release, the British title, Confessions of a Sexy Photographer, was dumped in favor of a direct translation of the original German title.
This German movie is based on the farcical stageplay Charley's Aunt written by Brandon Thomas (24 Dec 1848 — 19 June 1914); a record-breaker in its day — it was first performed at the Theatre Royal, Bury St Edmunds, in February 1892 — it has been filmed often: in 1915 with Oliver Hardy and in 1925 with Sydney Chaplin, the brother of Charlie Chaplin; 1930 with Charles Ruggles; 1940 with Arthur Askey; 1941 with Jack Benny; in 1952 as a musical; and, in German-speaking lands, once with Paul Kemp (1934), twice with Heinz Ruehmann (in 1934 and 1956, the latter version with Walter Giller), once with Peter Alexander (1963), and (to date) twice for television. (Egypt and Russia are two other countries we know of that did their own versions; there are surely more.) In 1974, Walter Boos, a director better known as part of the team (including Boos, Wolf C. Hartwig [the producer of Flitterwochen in der Hölle / Isle of Sin (1960) and Horrors of Spider Island (1960)], and Ludwig Spitaler) responsible for the original 13 Schoolgirl Report films (1970 to 1980), obviously decided it was time to do an up-dated and sexed-up version of the farce.
Trailer to the First Schoolgirl Report
Schulmädchen-Report: Was Eltern nicht für möglich halten (1970):
The Schoolgirl Report films were generally also released in the grindhouses of the US under a variety of titles, but as the focus of the movies are often on the sexuality of young adults considered under-age in the US, they are now generally unavailable in English. The first of the series, Schulmädchen-Report: Was Eltern nicht für möglich halten (1970 / trailer above) was released in England as Confessions of a Sixth Form Girl, and like Confessions of a Sexy Photographer, Confessions of a Male Escort (1971) and Confessions of a Frustrated Housewife (1976) — the last is looked at in the next instalment of this RIP Review — was thus renamed so as to ride on the wave of the then-popular in England Confessions sex comedy series, which includes Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974 / trailer), Confessions of a Pop Performer (1975 / trailer), Confessions of a Driving Instructor (1976 / trailer) and Confessions from a Holiday Camp (1977 / trailer).
To feely adapt the German-language plot description found at Tofu Nerdpunk (which finds the movie "Scheiße": "The broke panties salesmen Max (Josef Moosholzer), Stefan (Bertram Edelmann) and Luigi (Massimo E. Melis) are in desperate need of a new job as their panties have been seized by the court and they owe back rent on their apartment, which they want to keep because it is directly across the way from the photo studio of the gay photographer Charly Braun (Karl-Heinz Otto), who specializes in female nudes. Charly doesn't allow men in his studio, as they distract him, so the guys dress up as women and get the job. But soon they want to do more than just watch, while Charly fears he might be going straight because he feels so attracted to the three masculine women. The situation isn't helped by Max's addiction to eating sauerkraut, which leads to massive farting and fart jokes...."
Full NSFW German Movie
at Some Russian Website:
Of all films director Walter Boos worked on, we prefer his only known and hilariously enjoyable horror film Magdalena, vom Teufel besessen, also from 1974. Credited as Michael Walter — his full name was Michael Walter Boos — the English version was released as Beyond the Darkness aka Devil's Female aka Magdalena, Possessed by the Devil. Check out the fun trailer below.
Trailer to
Magdalena, Possessed by the Devil:
 



Sexual Kung Fu in Hong Kong
(1974, Dir. Carlos Tobalina)
 

Another movie made together with HIFCOA (otherwise known as porn filmmaker Carlos Tobalina); about the only info to be found online about the movie is the same non-info found in Jason S. Martinko's The XXX Filmography, 1968-1988, where the author writes: "This adult Kung Fu movie was filmed in Hong Kong. Director Carlos Tobalina also worked as co-producer as cinematographer. It premièred in Los Angeles, California on April 5, 1974."
Thanks to the poster, imdb, iafd, TCM and the book mentioned above, we have some of the cast, though who knows what they played: the mammoth-mammaried iconic redhead Roxanne Brewer ([March 1941 — Oct 1987] aka "Suzzane Delor", "Sue Doloria", "Roxanne Lee" and "Susie Edgell", seen above on the cover of Easy Rider and found in among other films Night of the Witches [1971 / trailer], Young Secretaries [1974 / trailer] and Fantasm [1976 / see below]); Nina Fause (aka "Gayle Winner" & "Clair Starlove", of the grimy, home-made-looking porn horror Come Deadly [1974 / full grimy hardcore movie] as well as Tobalina's Jungle Blue [1978 / trailer], The Ultimate Pleasure [1977 / full hardcore film], Marilyn and the Senator [1975 / scene] and Sexual Ecstasy of the Macumba [1974]), Maria Pia (of Tobalina's Infrasexum [1969], 1970's I Am Curious Tahiti [see Part VII], Refinements in Love [1971 / hardcore scene], Affaire in Rio de Janeiro [1972], 1973's The Last Tango in Acapulco [see Part IX or the full fuck-film in Italian] and Casanova II [1982]), Nancy Young and Burt Raymond.
Roxanne Brewer's NSFW Dancing Breast
in Fantasm (1976):


roxanne brewer von earhoney
TCM also claims that some guy named "Lawrence Samuelson" wrote the script (and, it seems, no other). Our unsupported guess: pseudonym for the sub-Renaissance man Tobalina.



Tower of Love
(1974, dir. George Drazich)
Music by Johnny Legend (as Martin Margulies) and Steve Margulies, the latter of whom did the music for mainstream TV actor Phillip Pine's (16 July 1920 — 22 Dec 2006) obscure bodycount fuck film, Don't Just Lay There (1970 / trailer below) which, as the advert below shows, was screened at some places with 1968's Novak-fingered Acapulco Uncensored (see Part V). 
NSFW Trailer to
Phillip Pine's Don't Just Lay There (1970):
Neither the director George Drazich nor the screenwriter Harriet Foster ever participated in another film under the same names. Novak distributed and produced the film, which the Gourmet DVD backcover describes as follows: "In this bizarre Harry Novak production, three women [possibly Jean Pascal, Tammy Smith and Kitty Lombard] go to a fictitious European country to be spokesmodels for a national celebration. They are housed in luxury and paid quite well, and the only drawback is that they must wear chastity belts. The girls go about their daily activities, playing cards, working out, jogging all wearing only these small metal g-strings.
"Sexually frustrated, each calls upon a locksmith, who after having removed their belts, has sex with them. Later on the women are sent back to America, as the event has been cancelled, and the viewer finds out that the locksmith was the nation's prince, engaging in this strange farce to get him some 'action'."
Over at imdb, lor of New York City is once again the only person to find the film worth writing about, and he is not impressed by this "absurdly stupid porn film": "Rarely has so much lame plotting been inserted when all that matters is sex footage. When the underhanded antics are revealed as a con job at film's end it's ho-hum time.
"Comical porn star Keith Erickson [of Suckula (1973) and Psyched by the 4D Witch (1973 / what?)] is the ambassador from Crotavia, mutton chops and all, and Buck Flower camps it up as a fey assistant. There are some attractive women in action, notably Lilly Foster [aka Ann Toinette, Jane Weinstein, Antoinette Maynard], but it's a lost cause."
Tammy Smith (aka Tina Smith, Joi Fuller, Ruth Armstrong, Margot Kennedy), if imdb is to be believed, later appeared in The Dark Side to Love (1984 / a trailer), one of the various Philip Yordan-scribed Z-films later edited into the surreal trash classic Night Train to Terror (1985 / see below), and also shows up somewhere in River's Edge (1986 / trailer). But seeing that right now (8 Dec 2014) imdb doesn't even realize that Tina Smith and the Tammy Smith in this fuck flick here are the same person, we have our doubts. Even less believable is the current entry of Wikipedia, which claims that the British tease actress Carol Hawkins of The Body Stealers (1969) is in the movie somewhere. 
Trailer to
Night Train to Terror (1985):
 


Love Play
(1975, dir. John Thomas)


"You know what I think? You are sexually atrophied. Your libido is paralyzed, like a cripple in his wheelchair. You make love, sure — but like a machine. For all practical purposes, you're still a virgin."

Lena (Emmanuelle Parèze)

The trailer of this sex film could be found on volume 3 of the Something Weird release Harry Novak's Boxoffice Bonanza of Sexploitation Trailers, which of course indicates that Novak had his fingers there somewhere. A French film, — original French title: L'Essayeuse — he obviously picked it up for US release, where it was re-titled Love Play and had the long scene in which the lead character Lena (Emmanuelle Parèze) is raped by two black servants shortened. The image and babe on the video cover below — "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!" — have nothing to do with the movie.
Director "John Thomas" is actually one Serge Korber, a French director who has worked in a variety of genres, not just porn — including two mainstream French comedies, L'homme orchestre (1969 / see below) and Sur un arbre perché aka Perched on a Tree (1971 / trailer), starring that unbearable French "comedian" Louis de Funès (31 July 1914 — 27 Jan 1983). L'Essayeuse's screenwriter "Frank Barthe", actually the French comedian Michel Vocoret, likewise has taken part in any number of films, porn and not, as actor, writer, director, etc.
French Trailer to
L'homme orchestre:
L'Essayeuse is relatively infamous in France because French bluenoses seem to have been upset by its embracement of licentiousness and managed to get it banned soon after its release. In the end, however, it really isn't anything more extreme than any other fuck film of the day and, like most back then, even has a plot, more or less. Someone who calls himself MayorDefacto (MayorDefacto@gmail.com) saw fit to explain the plot over at imdb: "Lena, the operator of a lingerie shop where she models the merchandise for some of her male customers in order to make a sale, is approached by a mysterious woman, Karine Delacroix (Isabelle Bourjac), the day following a wild night of sex with one of those male customers, Étienne (Alain Saury [7 Mar 1932 — 18 Apr 1991]). The woman offers her a large sum of money to engage in sex at her home that evening. A chauffeur arrives at closing time to drive her to the appointment, and Lena 'pumps' him unsuccessfully for information about his employer. Arriving at Karine's home she's met by two large black male servants who've been instructed to 'give her a try', by force if necessary. Her hostess watches from a distance. Afterwards, Karine discloses that Étienne is her estranged husband, and she wants Lena to help her win him back by teaching her to be the kind of slut Étienne seems to prefer. The tutoring begins immediately as Lena and Karine make love on the sofa, joined eventually by Karine's young maid, Jung (Martine Grimaud of Jean Rollins' Lèvres de sang / Lips of Blood [1975 / see below] and, of course, its porno version Suce moi vampire / Suck Me Vampire [1976]), who appears wearing a strap-on. From there, Lena introduces Karine to all manner of perversions. If Lena succeeds in her tutelage of Karine, she stands to make a small fortune, but she might just lose Étienne in the bargain."
Scene from Jean Rollins'
Lips of Blood (1975):
Over at Erotic City, someone says: "Even if this film wasn't notorious, it would still be worth seeing, because it is entertaining, well made, unusual in many ways, and quite sexy. [...] This film has a real plot and is best watched from beginning to end. L'Essayeuse shows us just how amazing Emmanuelle Pareze really was. Even with her voice dubbed, Emmanuelle's excellent acting and incredible charm shine through. This may well have been her finest role. [....]"
The rape scene edited out in the English language version features Manu Pluton as "Manu", one of the raping servants. Pluton, seen above, is a former Mr France and Europe Mr Apollo and even took part in the NABBA Amateur Mr. Universe contest at one point. He's found in many a porn film, straight and gay, and also appeared briefly in some fun Eurotrash like Seven Women for Satan (1976 / scene) and, according to one source, Jess Franco's Two Undercover Angels / Rote Lippen (1967 / trailer below). He's retired and living in the Land of the Free and the Brave now.
A Trailer to
Two Undercover Angels (1967):
 



Wham! Bam! Thank You, Spaceman!
 (1975, dir. William A. Levey)

Trailer:
WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU SPACEMAN! (William A. Levey, 1975) (NSFW) from Spectacle Theater on Vimeo.
Novak's production company was involved in this movie, which he also presented and distributed. We took a look at this flick in our R.I.P. Career Review of Haji, where we pointed out that "Haji appears somewhere in an un-credited role as a harem girl in this movie, which was originally made as a soft-core flick but later re-released with hardcore inserts. Director William A. Levey is the same man behind the infamous non-classics as, among others, Hellgate (1990 / trailer), The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington (1977 / trailer) and Blackenstein (1973)."
Trailer to William Levey's infamous
Blackenstein (1973):
 



Massage Parlor Wife
(1975, writ. & dir. Barry J. Spinello)
 


"Meet the Girls that Rub You the Right Way" 

Aka Pleasure Parlor Wives. Novak presented and distributed this movie by Barry J. Spinello, otherwise known as the independent art film maker Barry Spinello; many years later in 1994, Spinello sued Spielberg and Amblin Entertainment for supposedly stealing the idea for Joe Dante's Small Soldiers (1998 / trailer) from a script he had submitted to them. We don't know who won, but we imagine it was a case of you can't fight city hall. As far as we can tell, the only other directorial project by Spinello that wasn't "art" is the Academy Award nominated short documentary A Day in the Life of Bonnie Consolo (1975 / see below), about a housewife, Bonnie Consolo (12 Oct 1938 — 27 Dec 2005) born without arms.
Scene from
Day in the Life of Bonnie Consolo (1975):
Not based on R.B. Simpson's book of the same title, we are sure — the book, going by the first chapter available here is strictly porn, but the film, to quote the iafd, "is strictly softcore".
For that, however, Massage Parlor Wife features a number of regular faces from the Golden Age of Cinema Hand Helpers, including Serena (born Serena Robinson, of Blue Voodoo [1984, with Wade Nichols, aka Dennis Parker*], Howard Ziehm's porn anthology flick Hot Cookies (1977 / full NSFW film], and the perennial favorite, Dracula Sucks aka Lust at First Bite [1978 / full NSFW moive]), who supposedly is now an artist living in San Francisco; Tyler Reynolds (who made his film début in the unjustly forgotten hardcore Cozy Cool aka Love You to Death [1971] and can be found in films such as the mildly diverting Hey! There's Naked Bodies on My TV! [1979 / scene] and Ray Dennis Steckler's porno Sexual Satanic Awareness [1972]); and an un-credited David Book, who can be seen in the orgy scenes of the infamous gore porn horror flick Hardgore (1976).
*Wade Nichols (aka Dennis Parker)
Singing Like an Eagle:
In Michael Hawkes' book Review Haiku, Volume 1, he explains the plot as "Wifey takes job / It's slippery business / Beats the gas station." Pre Cert Video gives a bit more detail: "Melonie (Serena), an attractive blonde tells Tom (Steve Rogers), her husband, that she has taken a job at a massage parlour. Melonie is hired by Tom's secretary, who invites Tom to spy on the proceedings. The outcome of this devious plan is a series of sex romps with Melonie, Tom and the secretary." Anyfilm says the "film makes hay with the comic antics of [Melonie's] interactions with the customers there while remaining highly erotic — achieving a good balance."
In any event, you can watch a 41-minute edit of the movie here — be forewarned: body hair. 



Tarz & Jane  & Boy & Cheeta
(1975, dir. Itsa Fine)
 
Exciting Scene (Not!) from
Tarz & Jane & Boy & Cheeta:
For some strange reason — probably bad copy editing — the Something Weird DVD release of the movie calls it Tarz & Jane & Cheeta & Boy.
Needless to say, "Itza Fine" is a pseudonym; general consensus seems to be that "Itza Fine" is actually porn cult director Howard Ziehm (aka Hans Johnson, Albert Wilder, Lynn Metz, Linus Gator, Howard Johnson, L Metz, Harry Hopper), unknown as the author of the violent cheapy Copkillers (1973 / see below) and possibly known for the first straight porno feature film with a plot, Mona: The Virgin Nymph (1970 / full fuckfilm), the classic Flesh Gordon (1974 / trailer), the unknown Naughty Network (1981 / "stinky beans"), and not-so-classic Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders (1990 / see further below).
Trailer to Ziehm's
Copkillers (1973):
A couple of sites online claim that Harry Novak presented this flick, and though we found no real support of the assertion, who are we to disagree? In any event, Tarz & Jane & Boy & Cheeta seems to be one of those flicks that separate the men from the boys, for many find it shite — DVD Verdict: "Tarz & Jane & Boy & Cheeta may have been fun in its full fornication mode, but shorn of its sex, it's a smutless spoof that goes nowhere." — while others like it, primarily for being as stupid as it is. As far as we can tell, the movie is no longer available anywhere in "full fornication mode".
NSFW German Trailer to Ziehm's
Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders (1990):
At Pirate Bay, Odin1066 explains the movie: "This is not a 'porno'. It is for adults due to nudity, sexual situations and depictions, etc. Think of it as 'Carry On...Up the Jungle' done by Americans with much more explicit naughty humour including the use of props like dildos and some purposefully wrong sounds like a bolt action rifle sounding like a machine gun burst with each single shot. Tarz (Patrick Wright [28 Nov 1939 — 9 Dec 2004]) and Jane (Tallie Cochrane [7 Oct 1944 — 21 May 2011]) are living happily together and Boy ("Uncle Tom") is now grown up. Cheeta (San Clemente Richard) is a big ape — the cheap quality of the costume really should be as it is, due to the 'plot' — who is doing lewd physical gestures all the time and early on forces himself on Jane. Meanwhile Tarz gets into a fight with a croc/gator/'prop' and not only loses the fight, but he loses his 'male organ' when it is bitten off!!! Now what? Jane always 'wants it' and he can't 'do it' anymore. With the help of a white explorer/hunter, Miss Wanda (Georgina Spelvin), they all head for Wango Wango Land where Tarz can hopefully be res-'erected' by the magic of their Witch Doctor. Many unusual things are experienced throughout [...]"
In real life, Tarz (Patrick Wright) and Jane (Tallie Cochrane), both drive-in movie perennials, were also married (from 1970 — 1983) and appeared in some two dozen movies together, including The Candy Tangerine Man (1975 / TV Spot, directed by Matt Cimber), Devil's Ecstasy (1977 / scene), Frightmare (1983 / see below), and Track of the Moon Beast (1976 / trailer).
Trailer to
The Horror Star aka Frightmare (1983):
At imdb, Woodyanders (Woodyanders@aol.com) of The Last New Jersey Drive-In on the Left is of the opinion: "This highly stupid, but often side-splitting tongue-in-cheek sex romp stands as a towering, often insanely funny, and always stupendously ludicrous celluloid monument to characteristically irreverent and uninhibited anything goes Me Decade silliness, boasting no less than two puerile disco songs by Alfie Smith, a suitably lowbrow sense of free and easy dirty humor that never comes close to being either remotely subtle or sophisticated, the guy in the frumpy ape suit doing an absurd Richard Nixon impersonation, unsparingly profane dialogue that's rife with inane double entendres, a marvelously politically incorrect caricature of mincing homosexuals, brazen broadside japes about urinating off the side of trees, castration, forced sodomy from a salacious simian, rape, incest, and corn cobs being used in a most bawdy way, and more sizzling copulation and bared flesh than you can shake a spear at. In other words, this movie overall rates as a whole lot of nice'n'naughty no-brainer fun."
The year prior to Tarz & Jane & Boy & Cheeta, Tarz (Patrick Wright) and Jane (Tallie Cochrane), and Miss Wanda (Georgina Spelvin) appeared together in the Al Adamson movie Girls for Rent (1974 / trailer below).
Trailer to
Girls for Rent aka I Spit on Your Corpse (1974):
 



Teenage Bride
(1975, dir. Gary Troy)


Released in Germany as Dralle Brüste — Steile Schenkel (or "Buxom Boobs — Super Legs"). Novak co-produced and distributed this early Colleen Brennan movie (she's credited as Sharon Kelly), one her last non-hardcore movies — to quote the iafd: "All sex scenes in the movie are essentially softcore." The full NSFW movie can currently be found at this NSFW porn-film website.
The headshot below is the director Gary Troy, making his directorial début with this movie; he had previously done the cinematography for the Novak production The Takers (1971 / see Part VIII) and went on to write and direct one of those movies that everyone hates, Computer Beach Party (1987 / a trailer). As far as we can tell, his last film credit is as line producer for The Secret Life: Jeffrey Dahmer (1993 / trailer below).
Trailer to
The Secret Life: Jeffrey Dahmer:
Vantage Media offers this plot description: "Young Sandy (Cyndee Summers) is married to a beefy old loser (Don Summerfield, as "Charlie"), so she gets her kicks with her hubby's younger step brother, Dennis (Ron Presson [29 June 1937 — 20 May 2007], whose last film appearance may have been in The Uninvited [1988 / see below]). It turns out that everyone is making whoopie! Even Cyndee's boring husband is bopping her best friend, and his personal secretary (Cheri Mann as 'Abigail'), just to name a few. And Dennis, a horny little bugger himself, starts having hot, steamy affairs with all of Cyndee's friends and foes. A genuinely erotic movie that will tease you and keep your hand over your remote control to press the slo-mo button over and over again."
Trailer to
The Uninvited (1988):
As DVD Drive In points out, "Despite the cool exploitation title, there is no Teenage Bride in this sexploitation tale of marital bliss gone sour. But that doesn't matter, it's a cool, sexy, funny flick with nice photography [...]. If that isn't enough reason to see it, there are some good boom shadow shots [...], and almost non-stop 'hard' softcore sex, the Novak way! By the Novak way, I mean unattractive guys and drop-dead gorgeous women knocking boots like they just don't care. But even better than that, if you thought you couldn't get more up close and personal with Sharon Kelly after Young Sally (1971 / see Part VIII), think again! Tight close-ups of her melons being continually squeezed into butter, dangling like pendulums, and her rosy-pink nipples, and of her blazing red pubic hair make this the ultimate pre-porno Sharon Kelly appreciation movie!"

To be continued ... next month

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